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I’ve come to loathe the word strong

Not only because I’ve heard it more than anyone should in their lifetime

but for so many other, painful reasons

Here, I’ll name a few that come to mind

First up is the weight that came with that word

Then the pride shattering times I would beg for compassion,

For any kind of help, and got a mere

"you’re strong, 'you will overcome this'"

Or the worst of all "Everything will be okay"

Foolish me, did I really expect to be seen as more than the beacon of light for those who willingly choose the dark

Forced to accomplish everyone’s goals and ambitions, forgetting I have my own

Now burnt out, having nothing left to pour into my own happiness and dreams

Tasked with being a nurturer and provider

Manipulated into being a 24/7 counselor on speed dial

More often than I'd like to admit, allowing myself to be used as a personal hitman on retainer

At what price ?

Their cheap “your strength is inspiring”

Or my all round well-being and sanity

All I know is that it's the retainer I can no longer afford to cover on their behalf.

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