I’ve come to loathe the word strong
Not only because I’ve heard it more than anyone should in their lifetime
but for so many other, painful reasons
Here, I’ll name a few that come to mind
First up is the weight that came with that word
Then the pride shattering times I would beg for compassion,
For any kind of help, and got a mere
"you’re strong, 'you will overcome this'"
Or the worst of all "Everything will be okay"
Foolish me, did I really expect to be seen as more than the beacon of light for those who willingly choose the dark
Forced to accomplish everyone’s goals and ambitions, forgetting I have my own
Now burnt out, having nothing left to pour into my own happiness and dreams
Tasked with being a nurturer and provider
Manipulated into being a 24/7 counselor on speed dial
More often than I'd like to admit, allowing myself to be used as a personal hitman on retainer
At what price ?
Their cheap “your strength is inspiring”
Or my all round well-being and sanity
All I know is that it's the retainer I can no longer afford to cover on their behalf.